You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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