who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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