i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
