Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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