I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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