So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
