I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
