you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
