I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
