I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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