I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
