SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
