i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
A+ Viking dick
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
