end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
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