yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
