I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
