of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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