i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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