i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
