Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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