Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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