so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
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I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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