You can't motorboat a personality
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
