Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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