maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
