Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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