So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
