im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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