you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
