Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
