the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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