I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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