Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
