and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
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