is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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