HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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