Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
