Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
