True but thats because hes a fetus.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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