toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
