The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
it was like eating out sand paper
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The adults are the big ones right?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
