so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
