Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
