just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
