Everything about him screamed your future.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
