whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Im part way to drunk.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
