yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
