Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
