He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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