sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
