Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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