are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
