he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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