When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
