i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
