I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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