Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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