foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
