he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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