Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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