my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
