hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
