Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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