Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
