Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
