Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
