This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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