I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
