I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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