I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
