I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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