the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
