I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
