I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
