they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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