I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
